[Case Study] Crazy Josh & the Biggest, Baddest 6th Grade Class

dv1644065

Get Honest with Yourself

The most important and courageous thing we can do to really make a difference is to look at what we have decided is wrong with the individual that we are having the most difficulty with.

What we have determined is wrong with them, i.e., the label, becomes a substantial part of our attitude toward them. It’s true. It’s real. We are not responsible for their choice in behaviors, but their behaviors will in fact be affected by our energetic interaction with them. The great news is that as we become more conscious of the effects of attitudinal energy, we can have a greater degree of influence in getting a different outcome than we’ve been getting.

For now, you may be thinking, “Well, why don’t they just do what they know they should be doing in the first place? Why does this have to be up to me? I’m not the one behaving badly!”

True, and yet, as long as you have “an attitude” about “them,” you are energetically engaged with them. You, like they, are locked into judgment and resistance, making it a part of your experience. Whether you meant for your attitude to have this kind of impact or not, it does!

To change the experience, you must interrupt yourself at the thought level, change your thinking and therefore your attitude about the experience. You have an attitude about this. You just do. It’s really okay, and it’s really that simple. If you are to make a positive difference, you must be self-effacing and compassionate with yourself first so you can extend it to others.

When a class comes along that has more square pegs than round holes, and educators mistakenly keep trying to fit them all into round holes, the students are often labeled in ways that are counterproductive.

This creates miserable discourse for everyone involved. Expectation is the key to turning things around, and that is why my second favorite TurnAround Specialist technique is to get: Selective Amnesia!

Crazy Josh & the Biggest, Baddest 6th Grade Class

I had just been hired at my second school, in what would be my third year of teaching. Because I had received numerous accolades in my first two years, successfully teaching behaviorally challenging children, I had earned a reputation for being a “high-functioning disciplinarian.”

Consequently, I was offered a new teaching position to take on the class that had been labeled by the faculty and staff as “the biggest, baddest sixth grade class.” Although the administrator interviewing me may have assumed that I was a traditional authoritarian disciplinarian, in fact, I didn’t agree with or use that model at all.

These students allegedly behaved so badly that they maximally stressed out and frightened every teacher who had worked with them since kindergarten!

And not only was I supposedly inheriting the worst bunch of kids in the history of the school, I was also getting “Crazy Josh,” as the teachers had privately labeled him. He was a sixth-grader who was blind in one eye and deaf in the opposite ear—and supposedly nothing but trouble.

On the first day of school, the sixth grade children charged in, acting as if they were indeed the “biggest and baddest.” They wanted to be sure that I knew just how bad they were! I had heard all of this, and I also knew that, in order to be powerfully engaging and effective, I was going to have to remain mentally disciplined to prevent negative labels from entering my mind.

Whenever a teacher would tell me negative stories about certain students, and this group in particular, I would deliberately develop “selective amnesia.” This class needed my vision of greatness for them, despite themselves.

As we began our introductions, the first thing the students wanted to know was, had I heard about them? Instead of answering their question, I asked them what they thought I’d been told and, word for word, they confirmed the information I had been given by many on the faculty and staff. Then I gave them a pep talk to beat all pep talks. I began by telling them that I didn’t believe a word I had been told, and that by Christmas, they would have forgotten all about it too.

They hooted; obviously they didn’t believe me. Being the biggest, baddest class this school had ever seen was their identity. It made them special, and they couldn’t see any other way to distinguish themselves, especially in a positive way.

Expectation carries a certain energy with it. You expect a classroom of students to be the biggest and baddest, and guess what? That’s exactly what you’ll be calling out in them. If, however, you see the best and brightest within each and every student, your expectation will draw out that facet of their character.

Although they acted proud of their reputation, I knew that it hurt their hearts terribly to be told over and over again how bad they were. I could feel it in my gut, and I could tell they wanted to find a way out. However, it was too early for them to trust me to lead them out of what they’d known and had been told for so many years. So, I was going to have to hold firmly to the vision of what was possible to help them to step fully into their “best selves” and to develop a new reputation.

Now, on that first morning, seated at a desk in the middle of the classroom was an undersized, gangly boy whose behavior was bizarre, if not outlandish.

Whenever I’d walk over to talk to him, he’d turn off his hearing aide and screw up his face in an effort to look just as crazy as he could. I smiled at him and asked him his name. He was surprised that I didn’t react to him, and that I didn’t already know who he was. Of course I knew; nobody but a kid labeled “Crazy Josh” would be acting like this.

But, with my decision to develop a case of “selective amnesia,” I was attitudinally neutral. I acted as though I had never heard anything about him – enforcing my selective amnesia – and that I was glad to be getting acquainted with him as his new teacher.

I could tell this surprised him and threw him off guard. He didn’t know how to react to my acceptance of him, so he responded with more crazy behavior. I smiled and kept myself in what I like to call my AFZ – Attitude Free Zone.

And I continued to converse with him in a positively expectant manner that solicited more of his best self. That’s all I did—repeatedly.

It would simply take some time, and some directive, yet compassionate expectations to move him out of his reaction based behavior. Instead of being resistant to how he would contort his facial expressions, I was inclusive, pulling him into the class and our team activities. Yet, whenever he became frustrated with the work, he would revert to his shrill noise-making and facial contortions.

Instead of addressing Josh’s off-putting behavior, I concentrated on his frustration with the task, remaining neutral and holding a quiet expectation that he could learn.

Because his behavior was so noticeably disruptive, it was hard for his previous teachers to ignore. So they dealt with the behavior, rather than the underlying cause: he was reacting to the attitudinal energy, vibes and tone of his teacher which fueled peer repulsion and exclusion of him.

He didn’t have the internal coping skills to tolerate the attitudinal energy coming at him, and this generated in him a high degree of self-loathing. The result was mutual disdain and constant discord.

By the end of the previous year, he would explode with shrill noises or implode with facial contortions several times a day. He’d be reprimanded and sent home, or sent to a special education teacher, two to three times a week.

Resistance and rejection are the most hurtful techniques we can use to try to curb bad behavior. And yet it’s so easy for teachers and/or parents to slip into these modes of forced control. They will never be successful, because they aim to suppress behavior, not deal with its causes. However, by assessing the situation and ferreting out underlying causes of the behavior, it’s possible to find a way to resolve the source. If you can do that successfully, the unacceptable behavior will disappear.

There’s no doubt that his was a challenging case, but I made up my mind that before the school year was out, Josh would be mainstreamed back into the classroom, full time and fully functional. It took about nine long weeks of trials, tests, and tribulations, but I won the whole class over through incorporating three specific turnaround techniques:

I practiced Selective Amnesia daily. I mentally re-labeled the entire class and each individual within the class who had struggled with the previous negative expectations placed upon them. I was determined to energetically connect with them with in a way where they would feel not judgment or limitations coming from me. I wanted them to feel my confidence vibes through and through.

I established team learning, better known today as “cooperative” learning. My system was to group three to four students in a variety of ways, rearranging the teams as we moved to new subjects. It was my intention to be “inclusive” of all learning styles and levels. Discussion was encouraged to help students learn and to help each other learn.

Team learning generated genuine care about each other. Partnering up with different individuals every day, ended peer ridicule and hurtful cliques. It created a safe, caring community in which each child was invested in their own learning and in the greater good for each other.

Because this class had so many unique learning styles and levels which were impacting their ability to learn, I created Independent Learning modules not only to accelerate the Gifted and Talented learning needs and involvement, but also to instill intrinsic motivation within each student to want to excel. It worked magnificently for all of my students, regardless of learning level and capability.

By February, Josh no longer wanted to go to Special Ed, because he didn’t want to miss out on what we were doing together in the classroom. He literally “lit-up” to team learning, and he quickly began to make tremendous emotional and intellectual strides. He had only one episode —an angry burst of frustration —and it was his decision to take a time out and go home mid-afternoon. The rest of the time he experienced what it felt like to be included as one of the kids in his classroom.

Six years later, after I had moved to a school in another town, I received the high school graduation pictures from this class. All the students looked so grown up and confident, and Josh had matured into quite a lovely young man. Not only was I delighted to see that he was a graduate, but I admit there were tears in my eyes when I read of his scholarship to attend the nearby community college.

You simply can’t have an attitude and keep it a secret!
Your attitude is your expectation.

Josh was a child whose life was threatened by a powerful label and by the negative attitudes of those around him. They labeled him “crazy” and among “the baddest of the bad.” As a self-fulfilling prophecy, his behavior kept matching the label.

There is a common misbelief that a person’s unskillful behavior entitles us to be as critical and condescending as we want to be. That attitude will only encourage a continuation of the unproductive behavior. And if we do not recognize that we are exacerbating the problem by our labels and condescension, the legacy of pain will continue in our personal relationships and in society in general.

A word for parents reading this who feel powerless when it comes to working directly with educators who are holding negative expectations and attitudes toward your children or an entire class: Rather than doing nothing, do something. Make time to get involved in school activities and volunteering. Be the example.

Being judgmental of a teacher will not positively assist your child’s situation. Use the exact same turnaround techniques in all of your conversations with the teacher and you will have a greater degree of influence than you realize.

When we get in touch with our attitudes, beliefs and resistances about any challenging situation we may be dealing with, we, ourselves, will be transformed. And when we are personally transformed, we set new energy in motion that will instantaneously affect the lives of those whom we touch.

Reaching out …

MakeADifference.com/Education

PS … To Make A Positive Difference by becoming a TurnAround Specialist, check out my Make A Difference with the Power of Acknowledgment UTrain Program and my Academic Success 101 Faculty & Staff and/or Self Paced Online Course for professionals and parents.

[Own Your Life Wed] What’s Your WHY?

What’s your WHY?

I believe you and I have a lot in common as to why we got into Education, because…

We are here to make a difference. It’s what re-charges our emotional batteries. Reaching out to make a connection says: You matter to me, and I believe in you. Choosing to be affirmative is a powerful and profound way to positively influence today’s children.

Today’s blog is a “think this” then “do that” and you’ll “make it better” in 30 seconds or less.

In the upcoming blogs this month, I will share specific, fundamental principles that really do work to make educating and raising children a rewarding, life-fulfilling experience. The rich content and touching stories illustrate how to turn even the most severe and unsettling situations with children of all ages completely around by how you connect.

So let’s begin. As you well know it’s …

Excerpt from Make A Difference with The Power of Connection

Connection goes straight to the heart of the matter. This book gives you concise, instructive ways you can immediately begin “thinking differently” to positively affect children and be the difference you want to make. Loving and understanding connection, even in small doses, has tremendous power to heal a life.

My entrepreneurial trek, which has included work with adults and children in educational, corporate and personal settings, began over twenty years ago when I started to realize I knew something about youth at risk that a large percentage of the educators I worked with would want to learn and would be able to easily incorporate into their daily classroom structure.

My special gift was that I knew, intuitively, how to heal behaviorally challenging children. My ability to create for them a sense of community and “belonging” helped them achieve measurably high levels of success, no matter how overcrowded my classrooms were.

I realized early in my teaching career that I had mentally done away with the “bell curve” and the “labels” put on behaviorally and academically challenged children by other well-meaning teachers before me.

When, as a sixth-grade teacher, I collected data from previous years of Stanford Achievement Tests, I found that the children arriving in my classroom each year were, on average, a year or two behind their expected grade level.

With my determination and guidance, through engaging instruction and the elimination of labels, they not only gained back what they had previously lost, but they achieved an additional two to three years of academic growth on their test scores.

In 1988, when I understood the effectiveness of my techniques, I began writing continuing educational programs to assist educators in learning how to heal all of the students in their classrooms who were living unhappy lives and not succeeding academically or otherwise.

The results of these programs were even more amazing than I could have predicted— teachers now had the tools they needed to deal compassionately and effectively with all children’s learning styles and behavioral needs.

Then life happened! Legislation was passed that cut all funding for school programs such as mine.

I found myself redirected—led—into the corporate arena, where I quickly realized that we are all just little kids in big bodies! The principles and strategies I had been teaching educators, about breaking cycles of failure, worked in very diverse business environments, as well as day-to-day life.

When parents learned how to heal themselves through the principles I taught them, their children thrived, and my teaching had a positive effect on adults and their children alike.

Now, nearly two decades later, I have spoken to tens of thousands of people, about the power of labeling and attitudes in communication. I’ve written six books, and started writing motivational poetry again for the first time since I was 18. My poems have become flash online movies and are available for anyone to watch at no charge and to pass along to others who would appreciate them. Available at: MakeADifference.com/movies

And this brings us to 2006, when I was sent a musical rendition of the Teddy Stallard story – a story, autobiographical in nature – written by Elizabeth Silance Ballard in 1974 about a little boy who almost fell through the cracks of the school system. I knew in a heartbeat that it needed to be a flash movie.

A year later, I received another true story about a Blue Ribbon Ceremony ™ created by Helice “Sparky” Bridges that literally saved the life of a 14-year-old boy. As I found myself now creating these flash movies, I realized that I had come full circle.

What I have found in the span of my personal and professional life is that connecting with compassion creates a ripple effect that changes attitudes, reinforces the positive, and can have an impact far greater than we realize. It is a simple act that leaves an imprint upon those to whom the affirmative attention is given.

Compassion turns “me” into “we.”

The moment that the “we” in “me” occurs, new understanding is revealed. In the midst of compassion we are able to instantly lay down our old habits of disapproval and judgment, and become highly discerning about what’s really trying to happen for the greatest good.

Compassion is an old idea made new, because science has caught up to ancient literature and philosophy to prove that “the only way out” of resentment, anger, harmful or unskilled behavior is through compassion.

It makes you protective rather than controlling and when this occurs, you simply stop using fear and shame to modify unskillful behaviors. This one mental shift is what will dramatically and positively change unproductive behavior in an instant!

It’s about more than kindness; its about the essence and the power that compassion offers all humanity.

You will notice in this book that I don’t talk about love. Love is ever unfolding and will ultimately be demonstrated through how you show up for the children in your care. I’ve worked with professionals, as well as parents, who, in their upset, say they just don’t think they can love or help certain children.

My response is simple: begin with compassion. I understand fully how challenging it is to feel love toward a child who walks through the door with the “difficult” factor. Compassion moves you right past what’s difficult and on to matters of the heart. When you make an effort to see through the glazed-over look in these children’s eyes, straight into their hearts, you will find your way. It’s the affirmative connection that begins healing the negative beliefs these children embody.

I’m writing this book because, as a teacher who later became a counselor, I learned to keep it simple and straightforward.

I listened until I was able to learn some important basic information:

1. How the child was labeled at birth through his or her first five years of life, including both parent labels and school-related labels.

2. When working with parents, what was going on in the parent’s life that the child could be carrying a symptom for.

3. If working with a teacher, what emotional buttons this child pushed for the teacher—necessary to determine how to best align the teacher with the child.

If I didn’t readily see what needed to happen, I kept listening until I did. Wait for it. You must learn to resist the urge to analyze and fix too fast. When a problem seems so big that you don’t even know where to begin, wait for it. Lean into the knowledge that this book provides.

It is unifying, because it transcends the need to use force to counter unacceptable behavior that arises in disturbing circumstances and situations which an individual feels are beyond his or her own control.

There has been a significant amount of research about compassion, in the areas of human development and behavior.

In the most current research-based assessments, psychologists have observed that a compassionate response to challenging individuals and situations yields a positive reaction 70% of the time. Whereas, responding with resentment or anger produces a negative reaction 100% of the time!

As I’ve illustrated in my Academic Success 101 Online Course, if you want the problematic situations in your life to dissipate and improve, start “throwing compassion” at the person or at the problem behavior.

Reaching out …
0000 mary-3

MakeADifference.com/Education