From the desk of … Mary Robinson Reynolds, M.S.
Re: Verbally Abusive Child? Ignite Compassion
If you’ve got a verbally abusive child on your hands, it’s time to take a new approach.
Now, many will think that the way to get this kid to knock-it-off is to knock some sense into them … at least that’s the way I was raised. And yet, this kind of old school approach may shut the kid up for a second, it certainly won’t get you the self-sustaining regard you want, long term.
In today’s video, we have a gentle example of a simple approach that yes, will work with even the most belligerent and oppositional children IF you will only pull that attitude of yours back in, and reach out to connect first before trying to fix anything.
While this child is not a verbally abusive child … don’t make it more difficult than it needs to be. You push back and try to force a situation with an already verbally abusive child you are simply forcing them to go deeper into what’s really troubling them.
I’ve worked with professionals, as well as parents, who, in their upset, say they just don’t think they can love or help certain children.
My response is simple: begin with compassion. I understand fully how challenging it is to feel love toward a child who walks through the door with the “difficult” factor. Compassion moves you right past what’s difficult and on to matters of the heart.
When you make an effort to see through the glazed-over look in these children’s eyes, straight into their hearts, you will find your way. It’s the affirmative connection that begins healing the negative beliefs these children embody.
I’ve written Academic Success 101 and its companion book, Make A Difference with the Power of Connection because, as a teacher who later became a counselor, I learned to keep it simple and straightforward with deeply upset students, teachers and parents.
Early in my counseling career I learned how to listen without trying to fix anything until I was able to discover some important basic information:
1. How the child was labeled at birth through his or her first five years of life, including both parent labels and school-related labels.
2. When working with parents, what was going on in the parent’s life that the child could be carrying a symptom for.
3. If working with a teacher, what emotional buttons this child pushed for the teacher—necessary to determine how to best align the teacher with the child.
If I didn’t readily see what needed to happen, I kept listening until I did. Wait for it. You must learn to resist the urge to analyze and fix too fast.
When a problem seems so big that you don’t even know where to begin, wait for it.
Lean into connecting by listening. Keep asking compassionate questions and you will learn all that you need to know to help this child learn how to use their words effectively.
Reaching out to make a world of difference …
Author & Educational Consultant & Coach
PS …Do you know a ‘Tween or Teen who is struggling with Social / Emotional issues? If you would like to shift the energy of the culture you live in and / or work in with children, then the principles of leading with the welcoming attitudinal energy behind them you can learn how to effectively take this to your school with my signature Academic Success 101 Online Course. To learn what my program offers that will take your students to the next level in synergistic productivity go to: www.AcademicSuccess101.com .
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